As I sat alone in my apartment, listening to music and staring at the computer screen willing the essay to write itself my mind wandered to many different incidents that happened in the past couple of years in my life, and it got me thinking of them and stuff that I don’t really comprehend.
How could someone cut someone off with out any good byes, or even answers or anything! I don’t get it. Don’t they ever miss the other person? Don’t they remember all the good the other person has done to them?? Especially if that person was a vital part of their life, someone they had around for more than 20 years! Imagine ib yoom oo layla just cutting them off, no communication nothing! Even when they see them anywhere they pretend as if they don’t know them and they don’t say hi to them. Even though they don’t run in the same circle of friends, lazim fy that instance in a mall, restaurant, 3aza, 3irs etc.
I don’t think I would be able to do that!! Ansa il jimeel ily sawooli iyah kila oo i pretend that they mean nothing to me!
Another thing I realized is that I am too nice, Waaaaaay too nice. I need to change that. I used to be mean, I used to say whats on my mind, be completly blunt and not care what other people thought. I don’t know when I changed but I did. Although in some instances my other side comes out, its only when I meet new people and I don’t like them. Yes I must admit that if my gut feeling isn’t telling me I should arta7 to a person, I won’t, from the first time I meet the person, and 99% of the time I am right about people.
Like so many other people, I expect a lot from my friends and from other people around me, only because I give so much of my self, but then comes the slap in the face when its time for the other person to reciprocate and they don’t and you don’t really wanna be like “But i did this for you, and this and this and etc etc etc.” so you just let it burn you from inside. What do you do then?
One thing about me is, I am an emotional shopper, when I am sad, depressed, stressed, and any other negative feeling there is, I become tempted to shop, it doesn’t have to be for clothes either, I go buy food, stuff for the house/apartment, especially cooking stuff, I think we have a million cupcake pans and a million cake things back home. I don’t eat, i can’t eat when I’m sad, even if i am dying of hunger i take a couple of bites of food then i get nauseous, I don’t know why that happens. So I end up roaming the aisles of sultan center aimlessly filling my cart with stuff I don’t need. I need to change that in 2009, I need to find a new hobby that doesn’t require me wasting money on things I don’t need.
I thought of taking up knitting, I need someone to teach me how to knit. I remember my mother tried to teach me when i was around the age of 11 or 12, and I was so impatient and I just couldnt get it right so i threw the knitting needles and the yarn at the wall, and that was the end of my knitting lessons
On a completly other and lighter note I am so in love with the two youngest kids of the family, Basma who is my cousins daughter is 3 (turning 4 this year), she is a character! Shes hilarious. I gave her older sisters my Sing Star games and she has all the songs memorized! WAY 3ajeeba! And the best thing about her is that she is not shy!!! I bumped into their family randomly at Maki one day and she came and sat with me and my friend and entertained us for a while. I love how she runs to me everytime I walk into their house and hugs me!!!!!
The other one I am in love with is 7amooodi, he just turned 2, he is a christmas baby. Uhwa 3ebara 3an khdood karsha oo makwa i swear all i do to him is kick him, pinch him and slap him (not hard dont worry). I love kicking him and watching him fall adn try to get up just to kick him again LOL !!! I swear I am not mean its so funny!! Even though I still do that to him he still loves me :p One time his mom was putting eye liner on and he was in the room with her, and hes like “Mama, same same charpy!!” goolooly shasawee ib yahil imla7ith my eyeliner?!