Money + Marriage

I was talking to a friend of mine a while ago regarding money issues during marriage.  I was telling her that I think its important to share financial responsibility during marriage, that a man shouldn’t have to bear all the burden of everything, especially since its much different now then when our parents got married. 

I can’t expect him to be able to pay for our kids tuitions, our travels, our house finances, while I just sit there and not give any money right?  Well she said NO that it was HIS job to “ya9rif” on the family, not the womans, and that even in Islam it said that if a woman worked and got money its her own, she doesn’t have to spend it on the family.  Okay so what?  Her excuse was that men in Kuwait were brought up to think that they were the sole bread winners of the house and I shouldn’t get him used to me spending my money.

Okay, its not like the world is getting any cheaper, 23 years ago, when our parents got married, I don’t think finances were as much as now.  Also in my head marriage is  a partnership, not sole ownership.  We are both in this together, I can’t sit back and expect him to be able to pay for everything!  Its enough that the private schools tuitions are increasing every year, colleges are so expensive, traveling costs so much, and seriously I do want to enjoy my married life.

She kept on telling me that we’re in kuwait and its different.  That our parents will help.  So I told her, instead of his parents helping our or my mother helping out.  WTH okay they can help out as long as I’m not sitting back and watching him trying to make ends meet. 

If I get married, I’m not marrying a 40 year old man, I’m going to marry someone close to my age.  And I think early on in the marriage its important for two people to start out knowing that they could depend on each other, not one person depends on the other.

She says im too western in my thinking, I think i’m just being realistic.  Everyone is different, what I wrote above is what I believe, I respect what she says, but that doesn’t mean I agree with it.

What do you guys think??

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17 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Purgatory72
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 06:18:52

    Stay single.

    Reply

  2. Tooomz
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 06:28:59

    Stay single 2.

    Reply

  3. Chirp
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 06:42:02

    But I wanna daaaaaaaaaaaance with somebody :p

    I don’t want to stay single later on … Misery loves company 😛

    Reply

  4. Tooomz
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 06:46:54

    I just think it’s funny that parents are allowed to help but that you shouldn’t ;P

    Reply

  5. Chirp
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 06:54:23

    Tooomz – i kknow!

    Reply

  6. Purgatory72
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 08:43:11

    Dance with your friends and annoy nibaq to get you to show on Safat again.

    Reply

  7. Purgatory72
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 08:43:41

    and fix your time settings, they are 3 hours behind, maybe that is why?

    Reply

  8. Chirp
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 11:52:37

    Purg – my friends don’t like to dance .. tweeedle deeeeee!!!!
    I just fixed it .. thanks for telling me!

    Reply

  9. greyshorts
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 14:20:34

    She’s wrong , You’re right . Nowadays most women pitch in , and men in Kuwait don’t think they are the sole bread winners anymore . On the contrary , they actually want a women who works so she can help with the expenses .

    Reply

  10. Purgatory
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 16:23:26

    hmm, you sure? I have seen “some” of your friends dance 🙂 they have good coordination.

    Reply

  11. Enigma
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 16:50:29

    It’s a complicated issue.. you’re right about pitching in, but just do that often and suddenly u’ll find him depending on you, or even expecting it from you. sometimes the men ma yen3a6on wayh!

    Reply

  12. Jacqui
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 21:51:52

    I agree with your view, my mom always told me to not spend a fils of my own money on my house or on my husband, grandma agrees with that (actually grandma is like before you get married I’m going to make u take out a loan so that you owe people and you don’t have anything for him to take from you) but I believe otherwise, I would rather establish a healthy relationship with my spouse rather than establish hatred and increase his burden, if God has given us both good health and good money why not combine it and put it together for our kids, our house, our life. Not mine or his, but ours.

    Reply

  13. ::: ShoSho :::
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 22:20:43

    Yeah I always say marriage is partnership, it doesn’t make a difference if you of him spend as long as you spend it on your family! Marriage is partnership. You can buy the land together, build it together and do everything for your home together!

    Reply

  14. ::: ShoSho :::
    Dec 31, 2007 @ 22:21:22

    lol not you of him, i meant You or him..

    Reply

  15. Jenna
    Jan 01, 2008 @ 00:25:33

    hmmm i always believed that the husband should pay for everything,,, but ur making me think…
    well he still has to 😛

    Reply

  16. nov62
    Jan 01, 2008 @ 14:18:42

    I totally agree with you. I even think couples should have shared accounts, thats how its supposed to be. everything is a share.

    Reply

  17. N.
    Jan 07, 2008 @ 09:27:05

    In my personal opinion yeah I would pay for everything. If she wants to help out then Allah ekather khairha. I wouldn’t expect that she has to help out, I believe she has a right to keep her money and if she wants to do that then so be it. Whatever her original thoughts are about this will not be an issue in me loving her. Love will be based on other things.

    This does not mean of course that I would have to buy for her everything she wants. For example, if she goes out to buy a dress, I would buy it for her if the budget permits. The house expenses are a priority, then her. Of course I would love to pamper my spouse but within the available limits. If I was to get married now, I don’t believe with my current salary I could do that freely.

    Reply

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