Lets fly lets fly away!

Warning : Rant Ahead.  Proceed with Caution 

Everytime I tell someone I want to live outside of Kuwait they tell me the same thing “maradich itrideen 7ag deertich,”  “you can’t stay too long outside of your county” blah blah blah.  After much thought, I realized that what they say is BS, how many people have left their countries and started new lives in other places, and created a couple of generations and became citizens of other countries?  A LOT.  Why is it that e7na dayman maradna liq8?!  I mean I don’t hate Kuwait but I don’t want to live here for the rest of my life, or at least for a time period of my life.  I really didn’t have a choice in where I was born, but now as a “mature” adult (yeah right) I “have” my own brain to make my own choices.

My goal for 2008 is to figure out a way to make THAT wish come true.  I want to work some place in the world where I am an individual, I am ME.  Not so and so’s daughter/niece/2nd cousin/greatuncles granddaughter etc.  I don’t want to be judged by my parents accomplishments (or non-accomplishments), I want to be anonymous.

My mother thinks I have issues, I think I would like to experience things other than smiling in the faces of people I don’t care about and making small meaningless talk. 

Every ounce of confidence I have leaves me when I am in Kuwait because people are so harsh and judgemental.  No matter how hard you try or what you do, they find something wrong.  You ALL know this is true.  You could never be good enough and at the same time they STILL expect so much from you.

Going out in Kuwait kills me!!  No matter how huge the malls or restaurants they build are, I feel so claustraphobic.  Madry laish mo metqabla il wath3.  My life as a student was financially hard, I barely asked my mother for money, and by the end of the month I was broke, but I was still happy.  It actually made me more creative with food, Rachel Ray style. 

I don’t know why I feel like i’m drained, everything I used to enjoy is not something I do anymore.  I stopped baking and reading and became an extremly lazy person!  I used to go through at least 2 books a week,  and now I have not finished a book since “A Thousand Splendid Suns”. 

I’m not sitting here and complaining without actually doing anything.  I go out, I have friends, I see my family.  I try to busy my self, but still there is this nagging feeling that I’m not fully living MY LIFE, that its just BLAH and there is so much more I could do with it. 

The more I hear about what the stupid Parliament discusses and prioritizes I get more frustrated about the future of Kuwait.  Is there even a chance for it to change for the better when all the laws and rules that are passed are so worthless and they’ll just make it even more frustrating to deal with people

I think that I have the right to experience what I want.  If I don’t make it, then I will know that I am not cut out, and I willc ome back to Kuwait.  But I don’t doubt my self at all, I know I can make it. 

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15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. chikapappi
    Jan 02, 2008 @ 10:30:41

    I say get out when you can! experience true living outside and before someone gives me shit, I mean having an identity and getting to go through real stuff ok

    Reply

  2. Tooomz
    Jan 02, 2008 @ 10:32:15

    Where would you live if you could get a fresh start somewhere else?

    Reply

  3. Blue Dress
    Jan 02, 2008 @ 10:41:05

    Thankyou thankyou thankyou! *HUG*
    I soo agreee with you! i’m not sure why they think kuwait is the best country ever created, sure we dont have taxes bes we are getting there… plus all the things that the so called “gov” provides that other countries dont… Fi3lan BS

    I mean i’d pay taxes to get away min hal stupid mentality any time without thinking… Bes sadly its difficult… hence we have to create our own atmosphere and not give a shit of what that stranger thinks!!

    Anyway i really hope you can achieve that…
    and get back to your hobbies 😉 goodluck!

    Reply

  4. Lala*
    Jan 02, 2008 @ 13:25:10

    I admire your way of thinking, your quest to find your self and become an independant individual,

    to live abroad..
    I can never do that!..

    I used to fantasize about that when I was a rebel teenager, I even booked a ticket to NewYork and already set my place there 🙂 .. But I chickened out!

    I agree the situation in Kuwait nowadays is not very promising. We all feel frustrated, depressed, at what’s happening. But to me, Kuwait is not a country, it’s my home!

    I can’t leave my family and friends behind to start a new life on my own!

    You are one courageous woman!

    Good luck, and may all your dreams come true***

    Reply

  5. Chimerical
    Jan 02, 2008 @ 13:38:57

    You are extremely right about the frustrations and the lifestyle here…and I’m sure so many people have thought the same way you do…heck, I thought about it a million times. But, it’s people like you who can make a change for your country, and if you run away, who’s gonna make the change? Staying here means you are being faithful and loyal to your country. If there’s a war and everyone runs away, who’s gonna be there to defend? This is the same thing…this is like a “war” for change…so instead of having the desire to leave, try to change this feeling into an inspiration for change. None of us should give up hope…

    Reply

  6. shopa
    Jan 02, 2008 @ 15:58:51

    I’m 100% with you. I want to leave again. Everyone think I am either crazy or have issues. I say we all form a group and leave. Maybe maradna lelq8 but lets live today how we want to live it. I know for sure that mine is not living here.

    Reply

  7. Jacqui
    Jan 02, 2008 @ 16:02:59

    I totally agree with you, I don’t want to leave Kuwait to make a living elsewhere but sometimes things can get soo frustrating because wherever you go it’s like ‘you’re so-and-so’s daughter oh welcome’ or get the hell out.. we’re not judged on our accomplishments but on the accomplishments of others.. and sometimes your family can’t understand that we want to be independent of that, we want to make a life of ourselves.. but in the end its crap.. ahh my thoughts just got jumbled I’ll probably continue this when I’m more sober.

    Reply

  8. Swair
    Jan 02, 2008 @ 21:20:36

    Oh My God! I totally understand what you’re saying! I feel like I’m stuck, I need to get out of here!

    Reply

  9. Ra7aLaH
    Jan 02, 2008 @ 22:24:32

    i know i can’t leave kuwait for ever!! bas if u think u can good luck with that…go for it!!

    Reply

  10. Outkasty
    Jan 03, 2008 @ 01:13:39

    AKHERAN!!! and I thought I was the only one who feels all that! a7eb il-Kuwait bss I don’t want to live here anymore! o sa7 sheno “maradich laha”, haw 3asa mashaar sh7aga maradey laha? bs lesh nseer wayed attached to our country, deratna wayed taghayerat bil last few years, a7is ena mu mokani hne! mokani deera thanya

    Reply

  11. Phoenix
    Jan 03, 2008 @ 01:39:52

    I completely understand how you feel. I sometimes think the same way like “God i just wanna move out to a better place and get the hell out of here!” but then i think to myself, where will kuwait end up itha 3yalha ib nafs’hom ma yabon yg3don feha. its a scary thought. a5rat’ha liq8 bit6ee7 beed mino?? No. I will never leave kuwait in anyone’s hand but its children, because thats where it belongs. and if things get hard we have stick by our country. we cant just run away everytime we hit rough patches. liq8 has sooo much potential and it cud change to the better. i choose to stay in my country no matter wt happens. “ilinsan billa wa6an ka roo7 billa jasad” I (L) KUWAIT!!!:p hehe

    Reply

  12. intlxpatr
    Jan 03, 2008 @ 09:12:14

    You’ll think I am being sarcastic, but I am not: this is what happens when women become educated.

    Women have a disadvantage in that they can expect lower salaries, and financial independence – with our without marriage – buys freedom.

    So how can you become financially independent?

    One of the most confining things I have seen here is when educated women come back to Kuwait and once more have to live the dependent life with their families. Occasionally, a wealthier family will have a separate wing or floor for their mature child, but I haven’t seen any of the women-living-together kind of thing so common in the west when we graduate from university.

    Is leaving Kuwait even a possibility? Can you find a living, and a living wage somewhere else? If so, you have some incredible opportunities.

    I see a maturity in this blog entry and it’s comments that gives me hope. There is a group of you. I think some of you know each other. You are entertaining new ideas, while still valuing your traditions. You support one another. All of this is good, all of this gives you a safe place while you are figuring out how to make your dreams come true.

    Alternatively, if you cannot , in reality, leave Kuwait, then maybe start thinking how YOU can be a part of incremental change in Kuwait.

    As a group, have a “national interests meeting” – put together a vision of what you would want Kuwait to look like in the future.

    Break the vision down into manageable goals. Persist. Support one another. Think of small changes you want to see, and start working toward those changes.

    Change is possible. First, you have to believe it is possible. Second, you have to be willing to sacrifice to help bring about those changes. Third, you have to continue to educate yourselves, to challenge yourselves, to refine, maybe even reformulate your goals. As a team, you will have so much more strength.

    Chirp, as despairing as your post seems, it gives me hope for you, and all the insightful women like you.

    Reply

  13. Chirp
    Jan 03, 2008 @ 09:24:42

    Intlxpatr – Leaving kuwait could be an option. I live with my mother only, and she is almost always out of the country, So i do have my freedom in a way, but I feel confined by the country. Inshala this year opens up more doors for me and for everyone else!

    Reply

  14. eshda3wa
    Jan 04, 2008 @ 01:50:20

    i dont think its so much where u are you know?
    its how u apply yourself
    im sure the experience is great!
    and i want to continue living outside kuwait for a while atleast.

    bs what im trying to say is that lazy state ur in, that not being yourself, that happens wherever u mite be, its how u deal with it that makes a difference.
    and e7na maradna elkuwait because life in kuwait is good and easy, and some ppl think no matter where u go, you wont get the dala3 u have here.

    but i say GO
    u need to spread ur wings

    Reply

  15. eshda3wa
    Jan 04, 2008 @ 02:02:09

    oh and pheonix
    3eeeeeshtaw!
    when the hell did u grow up!
    go back to playing with dolls yallah!

    Reply

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