As I sat alone in my apartment, listening to music and staring at the computer screen willing the essay to write itself my mind wandered to many different incidents that happened in the past couple of years in my life, and it got me thinking of them and stuff that I don’t really comprehend.

How could someone cut someone off with out any good byes, or even answers or anything! I don’t get it.  Don’t they ever miss the other person?  Don’t they remember all the good the other person has done to them?? Especially if that person was a vital part of their life, someone they had around for more than 20 years! Imagine ib yoom oo layla just cutting them off, no communication nothing! Even when they see them anywhere they pretend as if they don’t know them and they don’t say hi to them.  Even though they don’t run in the same circle of friends, lazim fy that instance in a mall, restaurant, 3aza, 3irs etc. 

I don’t think I would be able to do that!! Ansa il jimeel ily sawooli iyah kila oo i pretend that they mean nothing to me!

Another thing I realized is that I am too nice, Waaaaaay too nice.  I need to change that.  I used to be mean, I used to say whats on my mind, be completly blunt and not care what other people thought.  I don’t know when I changed but I did.  Although in some instances my other side comes out, its only when I meet new people and I don’t like them.  Yes I must admit that if my gut feeling isn’t telling me I should arta7 to a person, I won’t, from the first time I meet the person, and 99% of the time I am right about people. 

Like so many other people, I expect a lot from my friends and from other people around me, only because I give so much of my self, but then comes the slap in the face when its time for the other person to reciprocate and they don’t and you don’t really wanna be like “But i did this for you, and this and this and etc etc etc.” so you just let it burn you from inside.  What do you do then?


One thing about me is, I am an emotional shopper, when I am sad, depressed, stressed, and any other negative feeling there is, I become tempted to shop, it doesn’t have to be for clothes either, I go buy food, stuff for the house/apartment, especially cooking stuff, I think we have a million cupcake pans and a million cake things back home.  I don’t eat, i can’t eat when I’m sad, even if i am dying of hunger i take a couple of bites of food then i get nauseous, I don’t know why that happens.  So I end up roaming the aisles of sultan center aimlessly filling my cart with stuff I don’t need.  I need to change that in 2009, I need to find a new hobby that doesn’t require me wasting money on things I don’t need.

I thought of taking up knitting, I need someone to teach me how to knit.  I remember my mother tried to teach me when i was around the age of 11 or 12, and I was so impatient and I just couldnt get it right so i threw the knitting needles and the yarn at the wall, and that was the end of my knitting lessons 🙂

On a completly other and lighter note I am so in love with the two youngest kids of the family, Basma who is my cousins daughter is 3 (turning 4 this year), she is a character! Shes hilarious.  I gave her older sisters my Sing Star games and she has all the songs memorized! WAY 3ajeeba! And the best thing about her is that she is not shy!!! I bumped into their family randomly at Maki one day and she came and sat with me and my friend and entertained us for a while.  I love how she runs to me everytime I walk into their house and hugs me!!!!!

The other one I am in love with is 7amooodi, he just turned 2, he is a christmas baby.  Uhwa 3ebara 3an khdood karsha oo makwa i swear all i do to him is kick him, pinch him and slap him (not hard dont worry).  I love kicking him and watching him fall adn try to get up just to kick him again LOL !!! I swear I am not mean its so funny!! Even though I still do that to him he still loves me :p One time his mom was putting eye liner on and he was in the room with her, and hes like “Mama, same same charpy!!” goolooly shasawee ib yahil imla7ith my eyeliner?!

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. wrrr
    Jan 05, 2009 @ 00:12:57

    LOOOOOOOOOOOOL chaaarrppyyyyy!! waaaay i want to meet ur cousin 7amoood plz plz i wana kick him too!!
    abaaih jad he’s soo cute widi a3i’6aaa.
    plz zahbeeliyah when we come back on april, mara7 a3awra walla.

    waaay same same chaarpyyy! i EAT HIM!

    ok i sound psychotically crazy 😛


  2. dandoon
    Jan 05, 2009 @ 06:55:23

    i have taken up knitting like 3 weeks ago and i have already knitted a scarf!:D i was frustrated at first cuz i couldn’t get it right but when my 9 year old cousin taught me how to do the knit stitch ibsir3a ti3alamt! there are lots of knitting videos online. was a huge help to me. oh and also get ur hands on a copy of stitch ‘n bitch by debbie stoller! good luck:p


  3. Daddy's Girl
    Jan 05, 2009 @ 10:45:38

    you see… i had a couple of relatives b3d mo friends who suddenly between yoom o layla turned out against me.

    One of them was my best friend. and my soul mate. not one day passed without us being together, if not by flesh then by endless hours on the phone. We grew up together. We practically lived in each others houses. We experienced every thing together in life, and i mean it. I cannot have a childhood memory without her being in it.

    and then one day… Poof! She is gone, she thinks of the most stupid reason to cut me out of her life. She is married, she has kids… and never again did she look back.

    Hardest thing? i saw her once, with her husband and kid, and i with my husband, she took one look of me, filled with hatred and rage, then she yanked her kid and husband and ran away … in one instant i turned from a soulmate to a mortal enemy.

    and when i thought about it. i think now i must have been living in a lie for 20 years. I took an oath never to utter her name on my lips again. Never to look back and remember her again. for my sanity…

    and a few months back, another relative of mine, whome i did so so much for, anything from huge get well soon gifts that were so extravagant to bagfulls of gifts from my travels to a birthday gift of a shopping spree in dubai, all expences paid, all of that… and she suddenly decide im not worth it anymore. I am mearly nothing… another 20 years down the drain… Worst thing? when i confronted her o told her 7safa o ma yebayn ib 3aynich… she shrugged and said “huh… u never gave me or did me anything!!!!”…

    I have now decided that she doesnt exits. Perioud.

    So dont waste your time. Ilee nesak insah 3la qolat 3bdallah irwaishd… life is too short for fights but if thats how they want it, then no, they do not miss you, becuase they never really cared. Either masla7a or passing time with you was what its all about… move on o imagine they never existed… it is easier that way.


  4. Chirp
    Jan 09, 2009 @ 14:36:28

    wrrr – noo mamnoo3 :p

    dandoon – heheh thaaanks !!! i might try to learn knitting when i finish my papers and finals! 🙂

    daddys girl – i know what u mean! and these people are family !!!


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